Chim chiminey Chim chim cher-ee!

Good evening readers,

I hope you're prepared  for a tale, worthy of Dickens, full of woe and harsh working conditions for very little pay.

Brace yourself for horror such as you've seldom had to endure.

Basically, Simon made me put my head up a chimney, full of spider's webs and the dust of forty thousand years!

But I'm getting ahead of myself again. Let's give you some backstory.

When we bought our house, we inherited a fallen down and derelict, four à pain, which to you and me is a bread oven. Oh yes, it sounds fanciful and romantic, but wait to you cop a look at the state of it.

I give you exhibit A.

I'll grant you, it doesn't exactly look like most people's expectations of a bread oven, I mean I don't think anyone from Warburtons is getting in a panic.

The inside view of this piece of architectural artistry is even more attractive.

I give you exhibit B.

Simon has, for the good of the Blog, offered his technical expertise, so I can explain the predicament we were in.

The upshot was, that if we didn't prop up the brick arch above the fireplace the whole lot was likely to fall down, bringing the room above down with it, and that's going to be our bathroom!

I mean who likes having to go downstairs to the loo in the middle of the night, not me, that's who...

So, the engineering genius, that is my husband, came up with the idea of propping it up with a handmade oak mantel.

We employed the knowledge of our friendly, tractor toting neighbour who knew of a gentleman by the fabulous name of Henri Pascal Moreau, who happened to have a sawmill.

Simon, armed with Google Translate and a fistful of Euros set off early one morning, alone!

I'm not being dramatic, it's the French lockdown rules.

So I busied myself being a domestic goddess, and knocked up a leftover meatball calzone.

Now I know what you're thinking, it looks like a Cornish pasty, I did crimp the edges like a pasty but there the similarity ends....

I waited, with baited breath, for my oak wielding husband to return and sooner than I thought....there he was! All had gone well, some words in Franglish were spoken and we had the makings of our fireplace.

He soon put me to work....

Note the t-shirt ladies....the revolution is nigh! 😉

Project Manager Clements did the majority of the heavy work and lifting, which was how I ended up with my head up the chimney. Not being blessed with bulging biceps I was unable to doing the lifting in of the mantel and had to get behind it and make sure it was in the correct place.

I'm still finding spiders in my hair....🕷

Carving the top and sides with the chainsaw was no mean feat, and I think you'll agree that it's looking grand, as well as stopping the en suite tumbling to the ground and forever consigning me to downstairs midnight pit stops....

 

Just given it a finishing touch of beeswax to bring out the colours and patterns in the wood.

Now, if you'll all join me in a rousing rendition of....